june 15.
104 days. 9 hours. 58 mins. 6 seconds since she first met him.





this is an interview with rachel, her conscience as the interviewer.









hey rachel how are you right now? i bet you're going through an ordeal at the moment.
- ordeal? (smiles) not really. it's another phase of my life. anothere lesson that i need to understand. love is always love, however irrational it may be.


now that you have given the key word, why won't you tell us what happened to this LOVE of yours.
-well. we're over. nothing more to tell about.

how does it feel?
-a while ago i was crying in bed, hugging my pillow so hard to release all my pain. after all that happened, i still love him. crazy, crazy feeling.


so does this mean you and him will be together again?
-NO.

why not?
-with his situation right now, we wouldn't be happy if we will force ourselves to be together again. i still love him, even more right now, but love doesn't change the FACTS. he has a son, 6 months old with his ex. he has to carry that responsibility. he's so unsure of what to do with his life. i don't want him to be in a situaton that will cause the both of us pain and confusion. i am happy with what we have right now.

you met yesterday right? how did it go?
well, it was fine.

fine, what do you mean?
he told me he still loves me. and that he loved me, ever since we started being together. and i feel the same way. but right now my love for him just won't let me agree to be back with him. maybe because i'm stronger now. and that i see things better right now that we already had a space between us.


so there would be no more 'you and him'?
i can't tell the future. right now, there's no one that could replace him in my heart and in my mind. and i know, it will take quite a while before i could be used to not being with him.

how often do you think of him?
i remember him in every single thing i do.




i miss touching every part of his face when he's sleeping.
i miss singing for him.
i miss kissing him.
i miss slapping his face in a crowded place.
i miss his crazy dances.



who will ever..
wait for me at the end of the stairs and hug me after i ran to him
kiss my hand
stay at the window of the jeepney i am riding in, until he doesn't see me anymore
say that he needs someone like me in his life
appreciate that i am a good girl
carry me in his arms even when there are people around
hug me tight in the morning when he wakes up beside me
call me tabachoy
make me as crazy and as sane as this at the same time























silence
deep thoughts

after so many weeks of being dormant..
i am coming back..






renewed.
ready for more.









i am now launching THIS IS ALL ME as the second phase of my blog life. Perusing my life is done. i have a lot in store. in the second phase of my blog, i wouldn't be afraid to reveal myself in every words i leave, i won't be afraid to express all that i have to say.



confessions.
deepest thoughts.
earnest desires.





the second phase of my blog is even more personal than my previous way of opening myself to this world. now, i will give my full trust to my readers.





trust.
risk.
showing more of myself.
never afraid.









i now consider my readers to be a part of another world that i will trust.











see more of me. inside.

this is my first call center wave family.. MS Zune 13 :)

we have been disbonded due to different reasons, but our friendship remains unfaded..

let me introduce them to you..










see the smiles? haha.. we're not complete there. i am the one wearing yellow.
the girl beside me is jung, our technical foundation trainer.. I have a BIG crush on her.. haha (hey, i'm not a lesbo, ok? haha )





our friend edited our picture >>


hahahahaha ..



















here's the only picture that me and my boyfriend is next to each other.. when this picture was taken, we were not yet going out.



yiii.. why does he always to make that hand gesture? GRR.. (haha.. )
we have pictures that we are together, though. but it's on our outlook in the company. can't transfer it to my mail.. :(





during our training then, we go out during dawn riding the bikes of my friends.. here's our insane pictures.. haha

see.. Boys' trip.. hahah (did i just cal myself a Boy? haha)

we have a lot of pictures.. just view my friendster for that. I miss them sOOOoo much..

whew..

im such a BIG FOOL .
i hate you.
i hate you. i hate you.

life is all about taking risks and being in control.. :)






forest.
dark.
wild.
new.


love.
happy.
nervous.

missing.
time.
energy.







life is what you make it. life is what we do with it.