there are just some things that keeps getting better and better. and whatever struggles i have in life, there would always be reasons to make me happy, and one of those is my dreaming partner..
honestly, i am planning to do something special for this day. but i did not pursue these plans., i just texted him that morning, and he did not even reacted to that message.. that bastard! haha ( joking., i love my bro.. hahaha )

bee’s graduating.. i hope we could maximize the remaining weeks that he’ll be staying at school..



i miss him and our bunsoy.,



i’m always praying for my special friends to be always happy.. as happy as the happiness they bring to my life.. i’m blest!

i think i know what my HS classmate went through before she became insane..


what is the meaning of “emotionally disturbed”? hmm. i think i’m going to the early stage of undeveloped insanity. i’m staring to fear facing things that are outside my comfort zone. Theatre Guild is my comfort zone, school is my danger zone.

what do i fear about going to my consta class? (and my mafin and manac class)

because i have a lot of absences.
because i did not take my prelim exams.
because i can’t face the class.
because i’m afraid i’m going to fail AGAIN due to my absences and neglect.



no one can help me now, no one. they can’t force me or even inspire me. i’m so afraid. i’m lost. still lost. after months and months of thinking over what i have done and lots of talks from people around me. i’m starting to give up one of the things i wanted the most.

I am currently in an abyss of hopelessness, at one part of my life — my studies. I prayed for power to turnover my life, so I could make a major change, yet I am as cold as ice, coward as mice (dead rhymes. whew)

why can’t I finally conquer this senseless fear. i’m heading straightly for the ashes. ashes of my dreams. i hate myself for this.




i’m a living dead at my classes.
(deep sigh) T.T

whew. I have just experienced difficulty in making my blog posts this day. i was really about to give up, but I decided to continue.



here are some of my december stories that I would like to share:



-Jm Dream-

this was the first time that he entered my dreams. i won’t go into details here, but I just want to reveal how much I miss him. he was a person who brought changes in me, inspite of the distance and without him realizing. that’s that. the end. hahaha





-my disastrous preliminaries-

we just had our prelim exams, before our christmas vacation. and I missed three of my exams.. :( we had problems in the family. it came to a point when mom and my cousin asked me if i want to quit school. (sigh) I wouldn’t want that. would I? i have work. for TG and myself, why quit now. well, honestly, before I came up with these realizations I reached the point when I wanted suicide. and this is one of the biggest mistakes I did in my life. even by just wanting it, that thing is so dreadful. imagine, the thought of doing that means that I think of myself as a waste. i am 20, do I consider all my past years a waste, just because I’m having a hard time dealing with things that I am going through right now? That’s something for me and all my readers out there to think about. don’t be such a crap. someone else is suffering more than you do, and they are trying their very best to be brave. stop all the drama and act.





-my christmas wishes-

bee asked me a question this day. what’s top3 on my christmas list. these are my answers to him.

a man that will be close to my heart, and that will care for me
more strength
and my top 1, for my mother to bee happy.
no explanations. I have a lot of wishes. But I have to keep myself from wishing how life could be sweeter and better. I have to act to have a life in a way i want it to be. I control my choices. whether it’s christmas or not, I have to be the best person I could be.





Happy Holidays to everyone! Be blesses and guided.

this is my family's cat.. Bebem, our baby.. he's fat and yummy.. haha

one source of happiness in our home.. :)

Aren’t churches suppose to be the places to where you glorify our Father?



well, i am so proud that finally i’m beginning to understand what a ‘believer’ really means. haha and i am proud to be one. hopefully all my readers out there too are believers of our Savior. If not, then it’s never too late to become one. Membership is forever ongoing.

this part of my life is one of the most difficult times.

want some updates?

i am not part of the accountancy class anymore. i got failures due to absences last semester, and i’m incurring lots of absences again
i am still the president of Theatre Guild, yet i don’t know if i’m reaching the expectations i set for my position
i am not sure what path i’m going to, now, in my life


in just a few months, i again let myself be a mess. the dream that i was holding for four years now is over. i can’t be a CPA anymore. and to make matters worse, i even lost my drive to finish the last 2 semesters of my college degree (accounting). my batchmates and friends are graduating this march.





with the theatre, well my passion for it is my nature, so it’s always there. but you see, i’m starting to feel the pain of not having the full cooperation of my team. but i still believe in them. i know they will be there to help me. i hope this year could produce more dedicated theatre guild members who would want to lead our organization to goodness and continuity.







with my mission, i’m starting to get confused. just as i read in ‘the alchemist’, you start your real dream when you’re young, yet as you grow old you lose your passion into less-you dreams because you get distracted by unreasonable reasons. what is my real mission? what path should i take? where ami going? i am not yet sure of the answers. ‘the best thing about future is that it comes one day at a time’ (words of Abraham Lincoln), and i will live my life that way, making the most out of my everyday.



one thing is for sure.

my heart is my church, my temple for Him and I know He will reveal to me what He wants me to be, as soon as i’m ready.









i’m keeping my faith and enthusiasm.