i am now settling myself not to think about being in love anymore.
stop worrying about what love can bring. what relationships might do for you.
focus on other things.
thing with more worth

i can always say what i want to say here right?
i need to make a decision as soon as possible.
i have to stop being employed by two companies.
i need to choose now.
why am i so afraid to decide and to take chances?

do i actually know ow to read the signs?
well you just have to listen to the soul of the world..
to God's signs scattered around you..






after all that i've been through..
he made me smile like i've never known how painful it is to love..





and he makes me inspired..
he is my new inspiration..






without words, i know he's mine
i hope he listens to my actions..
















moving on...











love blooms when the heart finds the one it longs for..
love strikes because you chose to embrace it..








let's get to know each other better..
i'd like to be with you..

have you tried to physically play yet still feel respected? (do you actually understand what i mean with that statement?haha)

i just had.. it was fun.. and worthwhile.. and worth remembering..
do it again? no more :)



just that once..
(wushu)
hahahaha

can you see this picture. blurred yet essential.



this is taken using Ken's n70. we were so impatient so we took a picture of us before the photographer comes and starts to take us pictures.

I am always in for dilemmas. well i don't take that as anything negative, because that's something to be looked forward to about life right?




updates.

-i am now currently employed in two companies

• IQOR clark, site 2
• SGS (sutherland global services)

this is something illegal. really! i shouldn't be doing this, and i am sad most of my days because i'm caught in between choosing a workplace that i'm accustomed to plus having company e-mail access with friends and a company that gives me a fixed sched which might open more oportunities for me to properly plan other things with my life (i need to go back to school next semester, and my mom prefers this company as it will let me take classes in the morning or afternoon). i often get fights with my mom and myself. well i am (well i think i am) 70% decided that i wil resign at Suth and continue working with IQOR. lots of pros and cons. but if i don't decide soon, i will not be having my salary and worse be sued with what im doing. (i wouldn't be! haha positive perception)

-i'm still in the process of moving on

• with my ex
• with our memories together

don't tell me i did not try. i always do. i try to focus on working and building a stronger relationship with my barkada. (JBARK) i try to find a crush in my new workplace, so i could be excited by someone and will help me take off my mind from thinking about him (sorry- grammar errors. yuck), but i can find NO one. i even find myself in the verge of tears when a supervisor takes my call, because flashes of our happy moments enter my mind. but i have thought about everything already. it will take time . but we wouldn't be together again. with a pregnant gf (which i knew was his ex) our world together will not be happy. come to think of it, almost all of my friends are happy that me and him decided to be friends for now. it gives us time and space to think about the situation. anyway, enough. we're over. it's done. move on. get by. smile.

-i'm having school confusions

• finish Accountancy
• start music and Theatre

if i go back to school next sem, one thing is for sure. i need to pay my balance with my previous university (HAU) and i will be transferring to a school that will still allow me to be under the Accountancy program. and as always, im now in a state where i don't know if this is what i really want. (or is it really a question of what i want) CPA or theatre? well, i think i'm finishing accounting first. but i really want to master myself in terms of SAVING. i will save! that's what i want! haha i want to have money saved so i could take music and theatre courses in the near future :) in a world of chaos, you will never have NO time for your heart's passion. :)

amidst all, there are a few things that makes my heart survive.

• my Father (papa G)
• my mom
• JBARK
• bee
• my visualized company :) details in the near future. key words -- positivism.faith.health.passion excited!

june 15.
104 days. 9 hours. 58 mins. 6 seconds since she first met him.





this is an interview with rachel, her conscience as the interviewer.









hey rachel how are you right now? i bet you're going through an ordeal at the moment.
- ordeal? (smiles) not really. it's another phase of my life. anothere lesson that i need to understand. love is always love, however irrational it may be.


now that you have given the key word, why won't you tell us what happened to this LOVE of yours.
-well. we're over. nothing more to tell about.

how does it feel?
-a while ago i was crying in bed, hugging my pillow so hard to release all my pain. after all that happened, i still love him. crazy, crazy feeling.


so does this mean you and him will be together again?
-NO.

why not?
-with his situation right now, we wouldn't be happy if we will force ourselves to be together again. i still love him, even more right now, but love doesn't change the FACTS. he has a son, 6 months old with his ex. he has to carry that responsibility. he's so unsure of what to do with his life. i don't want him to be in a situaton that will cause the both of us pain and confusion. i am happy with what we have right now.

you met yesterday right? how did it go?
well, it was fine.

fine, what do you mean?
he told me he still loves me. and that he loved me, ever since we started being together. and i feel the same way. but right now my love for him just won't let me agree to be back with him. maybe because i'm stronger now. and that i see things better right now that we already had a space between us.


so there would be no more 'you and him'?
i can't tell the future. right now, there's no one that could replace him in my heart and in my mind. and i know, it will take quite a while before i could be used to not being with him.

how often do you think of him?
i remember him in every single thing i do.




i miss touching every part of his face when he's sleeping.
i miss singing for him.
i miss kissing him.
i miss slapping his face in a crowded place.
i miss his crazy dances.



who will ever..
wait for me at the end of the stairs and hug me after i ran to him
kiss my hand
stay at the window of the jeepney i am riding in, until he doesn't see me anymore
say that he needs someone like me in his life
appreciate that i am a good girl
carry me in his arms even when there are people around
hug me tight in the morning when he wakes up beside me
call me tabachoy
make me as crazy and as sane as this at the same time























silence
deep thoughts

after so many weeks of being dormant..
i am coming back..






renewed.
ready for more.









i am now launching THIS IS ALL ME as the second phase of my blog life. Perusing my life is done. i have a lot in store. in the second phase of my blog, i wouldn't be afraid to reveal myself in every words i leave, i won't be afraid to express all that i have to say.



confessions.
deepest thoughts.
earnest desires.





the second phase of my blog is even more personal than my previous way of opening myself to this world. now, i will give my full trust to my readers.





trust.
risk.
showing more of myself.
never afraid.









i now consider my readers to be a part of another world that i will trust.











see more of me. inside.