Perusing my Life

myself talking to myself

2010-05-29T10:53:00.000+08:00

time is something that you should not mess with it. On top of feelings, racism, sexism and all biases of humankind. time, unlike price of persia creatively illustrates, cannot be turned back . and this is my alter ego telling to myself to come to my senses and give importance to those that you cannot lose. you know, this includes people, love ones, ideals and yourself.

what i learned, is that it is VERY easy to give in to all the negatives. it's like nicotine and tar (well this is based on books and all sciences i took since elementary, i never am a smoker myself), you cant let go of it unless you are forced to because it has already damaged your system.

so take time, and grab time while we can.

CARPE DIEM!

what I put in my mind subconsciosly affects me

2010-04-27T05:29:00.001+08:00

you see, even if I don't recognize some of my feelings, I still get lonely..

POR PABOR TEAM MAC, STAY....

Back to the real world..

they come, they go..

2010-04-21T00:17:00.001+08:00

some people just come and go..
:(

(subsconsious sadness)

Queen of Eyebags

2010-04-18T21:08:00.002+08:00

launching my love project...
visit dloveproject.blogspot.com :)

excited :)

ideas.. (what I get from watching movies)

2010-04-15T21:35:00.005+08:00

Is there any woman in the world who does not want to be wed to his so loved man, while wearing her so loved WEDDING GOWN? haha (what movies can put to your mind). I just watched Bridal Wars, and it gave me mixed feelings --- missing my super close friend, longing for love and some family-related feelings that I don't even understand and wouldn't want to understand.

geesh.. weddings.. vera wang dresses.. will I ever get to wear you? haha

and together with another movie that I was also able to watch, I think I will be making a blog project,too. ( inspired by Julia & Julie). Not about food though, but about LOVE. (what more do you expect from my mind?haha like I could never have enough room for love ideas, thug.thug.thug.hahaha)It will be a separate blog though. (I'm excited.haha) I'll introduce it here, don't you worry. And for those who read my facebook notes, well actually these posts are posted on my blog, originally posted there, and are just linked to FB. enjoy . ;)

signing out!

gush of abhor.. (mild)

2010-04-13T09:13:00.000+08:00

i hate hating people. not that i hate you. it's just that i don't like you. and i hate to hate you because i might be hurting one of the best people i have for a friend. (geesh. irritating!)

love is not suppose to be covered with all your child like attitude. and PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. stop trying to worsen things. love the right way.

WAG MO NGA KONG IDAMAY.. KAKAIRITA KA LANG.!

the bleak ending

2010-04-03T22:12:00.003+08:00

i still love you..

and that love makes me a coward.. to just follow whatever you want, though it meant breaking my world.. now ive got to create another start..

vague reasons..

vague emotions..

vague thoughts..

hate it.,

and all this broken pieces wouldn't matter anymore. because now there wouldn' t be ANY confusions. the line has been drawn. this is the path that we take. . a clear and guiltless flight for you.. a dark and painful one for me..

i love you. and i cant fight this feeling anymore. yet, with all those words, i think i just forgot what i'm trying to fight for.. a meaningless feat..

my heart will wander..

not for a new one..

just wander..

pathless..

pointless..

start to breath again (i no longer breath color.....)

this is my ending..

bleak ending...

when you just can't think of anything to write about.. and the title seem to be more understandable than it's content..

2010-04-03T22:03:00.003+08:00

lalalalalalala

You claim you still care for me
But your heart and soul needs to be free
now that you've got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me
You don't want me for yourself
So let me find somebody else

'coz you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin'on

lalalalalalalalalalala

those are just lyrics sung by quinn in glee.. well, don't know if it's connected with my mood right now. (i'll leave you something to think about..

(deep breath)

hmmm.. i though I could post right now..

guess not

leavin..

when you follow the beatings of what they call "heart"..

2010-03-22T19:02:00.003+08:00

sometimes it could be so wrong..
and it's up to you on how to make things right...
-- rachel, to herself (silence)

posting myself in something I would never wear in public.. (haha.. i'm not that girl. swear to heavens!)

well at the other side of the world, i'm happy with who I am. the weird and happy me.

---outta here--

one straight road

2010-03-15T08:32:00.001+08:00

Oh it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair

(confusions..)

when you are confused between friendship or love, would you see the line that separates them? guess not..

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All the sweetness served my heart with reasons to awaken. Yet now I'm leaving. Let me just forget that I was inclined to like you. and like you more than I can like you. and then I can just treat you as my treasured friend. No complications. No confusions. No lines to break. One straight road.

(take calls)

talking to myself

2010-03-10T14:53:00.001+08:00

out of my so many everyday thoughts, i think you are the one dominant..

random enthusiasm. haha

2010-03-10T13:43:00.008+08:00

(a tune playing in my mind.. "why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends".. was sang in bridge to terabithia..)

do you know what's worth doing in life?
only the thing that you're passionate of :)

i am just in a state of nostalgia.. kept thinking of randon reasons why I am happy right at this moment..

anyway, for the purposes of looking back, i'll be posting pictures I got from them..

this is team lee -- dark angels.. my teammates from my work place., they certainly are one of the newest reasons of my happiness. can't leave work because of them..

this is us -- reybee, edward and alice, panget, whatever you call us.. hmm.. (silence) eternal sibs.. (smiles)

this is TG -- old mems :) guy next to me in white is bunsoy, gurl kneeling in front holding sonething blue is blest.. TG, always my refuge, no matter where and what i'm going through.. haha (drama)

this is yhin (with keith, haha) -- my counterpart, my better half (hmm, as friends syempre,haha) :( missing her soooo badly..

this is jbark.. forever friends. look at our pictures.. you'll know we're crazy together just by the looks of us..

this is tol.. -- one of my dearest at my workplace.. miss her..

well, my life couldn't be summed up by these pictures or any pictures for that matter.
looking forward to updating my blog frequently.. (well since i mostly spend my extra time reading, texting or sleeping, watching movies, i cannot promise,haha)

(sudden shift of thought)

i gave myself til february this year. that i'll meet him..
hmm.. i don't know if I really met him..
signs.. attraction.. gravity.. energy.. hahaha

oh well, life..

(song in my mind still playing, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, haha)

life is meant to be fun. what with all those apocalypses predictions (plase don't take this as an offense for all the religins out there) and sad world moments, life is supposed to still give us a reason to stay smiling. well guess I'm really lucky when it comes to that part.i always get the best people around me..

dark angels..
blest..
ridara..
jbark..
yhin..
tol..
less than 3..

whew, like i can never thank Papa enough for all of these..
glad i'm favored :)

all of us, let's declare happiness!Ü

THE SECRET of our life..

2009-12-21T10:17:00.003+08:00

there will always come a time that we need to be reminded by things.. that is why I am reposting this article.. (feb '09 post, title: making my reality)

Imagination is everything..-- Albert Einstein

I have just watched and is being inspired by the movie THE SECRET. I have heard of it, ages ago, Oprah show, books in the National Bookstore, a dvd from a business individual, yet i did not paid any attention to it. Until now.
hmm.. I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now, an experience shared by all. (I mean, everyone goes through bad things at one point in their life, right?). I am caught in a situation which is so hard to deal with, and im imprisoned with lots of negative emotions about it. school, stop school? do this, don't do this?
As I watched the movie, I was filled with new inspiration and new strength. I analyzed the things around me, and realized I might be doing some things the wrong way, which makes me so unhappy. For almost months now, the dominant thought that runs in my mind is that i have been failing. failed to pass all my subjects, failed to be a good organization president, failed to be a desired daughter and the failures go on and on. and even if I try to get my self back on track now, i still fail, the same things happening over and over. people around me told me I've changed, and I am not the person they knew I were. But is it really about being who I am, or is it my actions and thoughts?
The movie tells us that we are all made up of energy and vibrations. not only the humans, but also every non living thing in our universe. we attract the vibrations that are the same with the vibrations that we have. that is why the Secret tells us that everything lies with the LAW OF ATTRACTION. the movie goes on with different people, visionaries, authors, philosophers, businessmen who talk about this secret, the power that lies among all of us. here is one of the quotes from the movie
' what you think, and what you feel and what actually manifests is always a match, NO EXCEPTION. '
I say YES to that. well, i have been thinking of moving on, of strength and inspiration, and see, i finally got the urge to watch the movie. well it is my decision of course. what i'm trying to tell is that, if you focus your thoughts about what you really want, and you are passionate about it, then the universe conspires to help you achieve that. you do the thinking, then the universe will tell you how, if you are going to feel what the universe is telling you. (whoa, this is just like THE ALCHEMIST. I think the book and this movie is patterned with the same belief. )
well, I love this idea. and I want this idea to be my reality. we all have the freedom to choose our ideals right? power to make our reality. just choose whatever makes you happy :) (oh! if ever cruel things like wanting murder makes you happy, think again. there are two basic emotions, good and bad. and guilt is at the bad side. goodluck.. hahaha)

---

uhm, before i posted this entry, i made researches about the secret, the movie. there are lots of compliments about it and of course, oppossitions to it. some say the idea is against Christian belief, that it recognizes no God, and it makes people think that they are the creators of their life. whew.. some even say it's an evil deception. I'd say no to that. the movie tells us of a Higher power, it just respects the belief of everyone,that not everyone believes in a god. so the movie is not specific with it, nothing wrong with that. religion and christianity is not meant for people to close their minds. i think that these two, together with psychology and philosopy should come hand in hand, in making people's lives better, sharing good and love with one another.
Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see... We also know that what can be seen was made out of what cannot be seen. (Hebrews 11)
who makes our destiny? who makes our calling? It is ourselves. whatever we choose to do, if we focus and dedicate our life to that, then it would be our destiny, our own calling. we have the power to choose and to act. the laws of God, love, and attraction govern us. but you do the deciding, and everything starts with you.
so, start the visualization now. know exactly what you want. and let the world help you do it. have faith.
i'm hoping that i've inspired someone with this entry.. GODBLESS our endeavors. :)

when you don't know how to say sorry..

2009-12-19T12:33:00.001+08:00

I just had quite a misunderstanding with someone from my workplace, and it really hurt me a lot.
why? because that person is someone very likeable. really likeable. and I thought that we were okay (well maybe we were) not after I said the following words. ..

Is that a question or a statement?

(deep sigh)

I cried hours during that day. I'm spend an hour crying before starting my work, crying while doing my calls, and will cry more later I know. It's just that I don't even mean anything bad (even a bit) of what I made that person feel with what I said, but I still made her feel worst. And it feels total agony.

I don't know how to say sorry. She is very angry and I can do nothing about it.
I offended her sooOo much.
I don't know.

Was it the way I spoke?
Was it because you were very tired that moment and you thought I disrespected you?
really, i mean no offense. if it's my freaking high pitched normal talking voice that makes people think i'm MAARTE or if it was my unwitty choice of words because that statement seem very normal for me, i really am not sure. but i really wanted to tell you I'm sorry. If you're someone I don't care and even know of, I might not even be hurt like this. but it's just that, every time this issue enters my mind, it reminds me of those moments that we were happy..

we're not best friends or even buddies..
but more than just acquaintances you just met and nod heads with.

Sorry. I know I've offended you. It might sound like crap, but I really, really did not mean it. Hope we could still reconcile in the future..

when you don't know how to say sorry..

2009-12-19T12:33:00.000+08:00

searching..

2009-10-13T17:56:00.003+08:00

every long lost dream lead me to where you are. others who broke my heart they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. this much i konw is true...
that God bless the broken road that led me straight to you..

an i-just-met person told me, "You will continously experience the lesson that you refuse to learn". Those lines left their mark in me. Yes. I will continue breaking my heart until I learned to wait for the man who will truly earn my love.

For I anticipate you in every tear I shed

That when the time comes for us

You will show me genuine feelings and care

I might not know who you are

Yet to continue believing in His ways

I know I'm so close to seeing you

So close to feeling you..

So close to loving you..

God blesses each broken road..

That will lead me to you..

(anticipating)

Less sleep is more life whahaha

2009-08-12T17:20:00.002+08:00

i could be beaten by doctors by the title i just typed for this post. haha who cares? i'm entitled to liberty once in a while..

facebook mafia-this is what i'm currently doing..
later i'll have to finish my explanation why i had incurred tardiness for my technical training.. (c'mon.. be positive chel!)
i have just sent my resignation for my former company.. (where i worked i think for less than two months?waaa)
i'll be AGAIN taking my technical certification in two weeks time. 9even if i'm already certified). sometimes you'll just have take the consequences or should i day requirements of the things that you really want, however hard thwy might seem at the beginning. well ou'll never know if that's what you realy wanted unless you give it a shot. and A SHOT means really going for it and not just going through preliminaries.

pause: loading my playlist which consists of louder, rougher music.. -- basic relief therapy of rachel..

regained a bit of health. (alert: chel needs to eat LOADS now.. haha i'm dead hungry!

what's running in my mind at the moment:
danes my former product trainer is cute..
i miss my barkada..
thinking when will I oen my accounting books again..
nervous for the upcoming certification..

needs more prayer.. - ultimate health strategy..

-------back to the normal world..

what's inside my mind NOW?

2009-07-15T09:59:00.003+08:00

fast news..

july 12- 'it' day

july 15-first time i was commended in a call. (well, i always get commended by customers because of my patience listening to them, however frustrated i am). but this day, my cust asked for my supervisor to send her commendation, and i listened to the call. wAAAa.. soo happy..

but that doesn't change the fact that i miss zune. and i don't know why inspite all of what happened to me in my former company, i still want that job back. if not for it's instability, i will dumped my new work immediately. (too harsh!)

i am looking for extra jobs. i need to help my mom pay my sister's tuition fee. now, i'm getting dizier thinking how could i save for myself and my other dreams. on the other hand, i will be extending financial help to a friend that needs to be operated soon.

i am the only person at our office that brings the picture of her barkada at her table every shift. can't help it!

stay positve. i miss a lot of things. but i need to stay focused and to keep my dreams as close to my heart as always. my faith is my power.

Godbless us ! :)

i just lost 'it'

2009-07-15T06:50:00.002+08:00

no turning back.
it was lost.
but it's still mine.

can someone decipher this?

lost in the middle of deciding

2009-07-15T06:48:00.001+08:00

in supposed to choose which company will I work for.
i'm okay with my new company, but i miss my first company sooOo much. i still don't know what to pick. im cheating the companies and myself. i have to choose one. NOW.

papa God.. Help!

giving up..

2009-07-06T05:52:00.001+08:00

i am now settling myself not to think about being in love anymore.
stop worrying about what love can bring. what relationships might do for you.
focus on other things.
thing with more worth

decide now

2009-07-06T05:12:00.002+08:00

i can always say what i want to say here right?
i need to make a decision as soon as possible.
i have to stop being employed by two companies.
i need to choose now.
why am i so afraid to decide and to take chances?

a star. my brightest now

2009-06-29T07:44:00.002+08:00

do i actually know ow to read the signs?
well you just have to listen to the soul of the world..
to God's signs scattered around you..

after all that i've been through..
he made me smile like i've never known how painful it is to love..

and he makes me inspired..
he is my new inspiration..

without words, i know he's mine
i hope he listens to my actions..

moving on...

love blooms when the heart finds the one it longs for..
love strikes because you chose to embrace it..

let's get to know each other better..
i'd like to be with you..

play yet stay respected..

2009-06-29T07:40:00.001+08:00

have you tried to physically play yet still feel respected? (do you actually understand what i mean with that statement?haha)

i just had.. it was fun.. and worthwhile.. and worth remembering..
do it again? no more :)

just that once..
(wushu)
hahahaha

JBARK - my happiness

2009-06-21T01:15:00.006+08:00

can you see this picture. blurred yet essential.

this is taken using Ken's n70. we were so impatient so we took a picture of us before the photographer comes and starts to take us pictures.

after almost three years, finally we found a chance to be all TOGETHER again. see? JBARK is my highschool barkada. our whole section is very intact but you know there are these people in your young life that ypou tag as your barkada then use all the first letters of your names to form a barkada name. something that would last forever.

darn them! haha. they made me the wackiest in our pictures. some are unfair! they don't follow instructions. WACKY! hahaha

i have a very large circle of friends. but these 9 people, and us being together shows what type of environment i grew up with. and it shows how God loves me sooOo much. why in the world did He gave me these people to be with? they are the best people i could ever ask for. with them, i laugh the hardest. with them i'm simple, i'm real, i'm a kid, i'm my best, i'm safe, i'm at my happiest. we all know how much we love and value each other. sometimes life is cruel, but when life is good, she is GRAND. haha

i love them.

they are one of the million reasons i stay alive.

i'm happy that i know i will have the FOREVER.

Jennelyn Canlas, Jenelyn Tanglao, Bryan Thelmo, Alberto Naguit, Anjali Vi Santos, Rachel Pregunta (me), Rovic Gutierrez, Richard Dimalanta, Karen Kaye Zita, Ken San Juan

Juveniles Bringing Affection, Rich- Keepsakes.

cherish jbark yesterday, live jbark today, dream jbark tomorrow. :)

hungry for LIFE

2009-06-21T00:46:00.003+08:00

I am always in for dilemmas. well i don't take that as anything negative, because that's something to be looked forward to about life right?

updates.

-i am now currently employed in two companies

IQOR clark, site 2
SGS (sutherland global services)

this is something illegal. really! i shouldn't be doing this, and i am sad most of my days because i'm caught in between choosing a workplace that i'm accustomed to plus having company e-mail access with friends and a company that gives me a fixed sched which might open more oportunities for me to properly plan other things with my life (i need to go back to school next semester, and my mom prefers this company as it will let me take classes in the morning or afternoon). i often get fights with my mom and myself. well i am (well i think i am) 70% decided that i wil resign at Suth and continue working with IQOR. lots of pros and cons. but if i don't decide soon, i will not be having my salary and worse be sued with what im doing. (i wouldn't be! haha positive perception)

-i'm still in the process of moving on

with my ex
with our memories together

don't tell me i did not try. i always do. i try to focus on working and building a stronger relationship with my barkada. (JBARK) i try to find a crush in my new workplace, so i could be excited by someone and will help me take off my mind from thinking about him (sorry- grammar errors. yuck), but i can find NO one. i even find myself in the verge of tears when a supervisor takes my call, because flashes of our happy moments enter my mind. but i have thought about everything already. it will take time . but we wouldn't be together again. with a pregnant gf (which i knew was his ex) our world together will not be happy. come to think of it, almost all of my friends are happy that me and him decided to be friends for now. it gives us time and space to think about the situation. anyway, enough. we're over. it's done. move on. get by. smile.

-i'm having school confusions

finish Accountancy
start music and Theatre

if i go back to school next sem, one thing is for sure. i need to pay my balance with my previous university (HAU) and i will be transferring to a school that will still allow me to be under the Accountancy program. and as always, im now in a state where i don't know if this is what i really want. (or is it really a question of what i want) CPA or theatre? well, i think i'm finishing accounting first. but i really want to master myself in terms of SAVING. i will save! that's what i want! haha i want to have money saved so i could take music and theatre courses in the near future :) in a world of chaos, you will never have NO time for your heart's passion. :)

amidst all, there are a few things that makes my heart survive.

my Father (papa G)
my mom
JBARK
bee
my visualized company :) details in the near future. key words -- positivism.faith.health.passion excited!

talking to myself

2009-06-15T09:39:00.002+08:00

june 15.
104 days. 9 hours. 58 mins. 6 seconds since she first met him.

this is an interview with rachel, her conscience as the interviewer.

hey rachel how are you right now? i bet you're going through an ordeal at the moment.
- ordeal? (smiles) not really. it's another phase of my life. anothere lesson that i need to understand. love is always love, however irrational it may be.

now that you have given the key word, why won't you tell us what happened to this LOVE of yours.
-well. we're over. nothing more to tell about.

how does it feel?
-a while ago i was crying in bed, hugging my pillow so hard to release all my pain. after all that happened, i still love him. crazy, crazy feeling.

so does this mean you and him will be together again?
-NO.

why not?
-with his situation right now, we wouldn't be happy if we will force ourselves to be together again. i still love him, even more right now, but love doesn't change the FACTS. he has a son, 6 months old with his ex. he has to carry that responsibility. he's so unsure of what to do with his life. i don't want him to be in a situaton that will cause the both of us pain and confusion. i am happy with what we have right now.

you met yesterday right? how did it go?
well, it was fine.

fine, what do you mean?
he told me he still loves me. and that he loved me, ever since we started being together. and i feel the same way. but right now my love for him just won't let me agree to be back with him. maybe because i'm stronger now. and that i see things better right now that we already had a space between us.

so there would be no more 'you and him'?
i can't tell the future. right now, there's no one that could replace him in my heart and in my mind. and i know, it will take quite a while before i could be used to not being with him.

how often do you think of him?
i remember him in every single thing i do.

i miss touching every part of his face when he's sleeping.
i miss singing for him.
i miss kissing him.
i miss slapping his face in a crowded place.
i miss his crazy dances.

who will ever..
wait for me at the end of the stairs and hug me after i ran to him
kiss my hand
stay at the window of the jeepney i am riding in, until he doesn't see me anymore
say that he needs someone like me in his life
appreciate that i am a good girl
carry me in his arms even when there are people around
hug me tight in the morning when he wakes up beside me
call me tabachoy
make me as crazy and as sane as this at the same time

silence
deep thoughts

this is all ME -- book 2

2009-06-15T09:12:00.003+08:00

after so many weeks of being dormant..
i am coming back..

renewed.
ready for more.

i am now launching THIS IS ALL ME as the second phase of my blog life. Perusing my life is done. i have a lot in store. in the second phase of my blog, i wouldn't be afraid to reveal myself in every words i leave, i won't be afraid to express all that i have to say.

confessions.
deepest thoughts.
earnest desires.

the second phase of my blog is even more personal than my previous way of opening myself to this world. now, i will give my full trust to my readers.

trust.
risk.
showing more of myself.
never afraid.

i now consider my readers to be a part of another world that i will trust.

see more of me. inside.

Zune 13 Family..

2009-05-21T14:28:00.008+08:00

this is my first call center wave family.. MS Zune 13 :)

we have been disbonded due to different reasons, but our friendship remains unfaded..

let me introduce them to you..

see the smiles? haha.. we're not complete there. i am the one wearing yellow.
the girl beside me is jung, our technical foundation trainer.. I have a BIG crush on her.. haha (hey, i'm not a lesbo, ok? haha )

our friend edited our picture >>

hahahahaha ..

here's the only picture that me and my boyfriend is next to each other.. when this picture was taken, we were not yet going out.

yiii.. why does he always to make that hand gesture? GRR.. (haha.. )
we have pictures that we are together, though. but it's on our outlook in the company. can't transfer it to my mail.. :(

during our training then, we go out during dawn riding the bikes of my friends.. here's our insane pictures.. haha

see.. Boys' trip.. hahah (did i just cal myself a Boy? haha)

we have a lot of pictures.. just view my friendster for that. I miss them sOOOoo much..

whew..

renewed love. :)

2009-05-21T13:56:00.004+08:00

fools rush in love.

after all the pain, love still conquers all. ♥

God bless our relationship..

someone just died inside of me..

2009-05-18T23:04:00.003+08:00

this is an open space right? and everything i say here is kept secret by you my dear readers, right? i just want to grab this moment to burst everything i feel..

right now.. the fire in my heart to love just turned cold.

it has been more than a month. with all the relationships that i went through, my now is my longest ( and it's only more than a month). i gave him every part of my heart, every part of my goodness.

there are lots of complications that arose during the middle part of our new relationship. responsibilities he has from his past, that is a part of his today and tomorrow. complications with his heart and mind. he's playful. he's unserious. he's young. i thought i could help him. i thought i was the one he needed to be okay. apparently, he is inlove without knowing how to properly take care and nourish that love.

another door has closed.
my heart is broken.
i will push my heart to be numb again.

right now, i hope the heaven could cry for me. '
all i wanted was to make him happy.
i thought i knew him.

BOYS ARE LIARS.

'if he can do it once, he can do it again'

you used me keith. you used me. :(

lies.hatred.martyrdom

2009-05-18T22:41:00.001+08:00

im such a BIG FOOL .
i hate you.
i hate you. i hate you.

back to the blogging world..

2009-05-02T02:31:00.005+08:00

it felt like ages ago since I last posted here. i missed bloggin' sOOOOOOoo much!

I will now be updating you guys with the different aspects of my life.. if this is lenghty, please do bear with me.. (laughs)

Update 1 - Rachel in the Corporate World

the biggest reason why i haven't been posting for quite a while now is because of the call center job. see, i always sleep full time whenever i don't have a shift. right now i am already certified for microsoft (specific account? secret haha).

hmm.. i am just starting but sometimes i feel that this is not the real thing that i want with my life. i crave for a lot of things -- my friends, studying, performing, LIFE. but don't get me wrong. i am happy with work. my account is sO challenging since it is a technical account. i'm loving the tech side and i'm starting to like knowing stuff which concern devices and the computer. it is a good foundation for training. discipline with time, relationships with people, balancing your energy, controlling your emotions, and the hunger for knowledge. i am definitely happy. yet, like some people from this industry say, you will feel something missing if you haven't finish school yet. i feel this too. it's not that i'm against people who think that school does not determine your success in life. i also believe in that. it's just that i miss wearing corporate attire, reading my financial books, analyzing problems, computing using my calculator, and being looked up by other people because you survived a difficult course. i miss dreaming about studying in Manila, and being a part of Big Corporate companies and dreaming about non-taxable income (dividends man! haha). maybe, i really have loved accountancy with all the years i spent with it. i miss the pressure and the pain. my tears for the subject, surviving tests and teachers because of my classmates and friends. i just can't believe that after all, i really do love being an accountant and the life that comes with it. right now, i still have plans of continuing school (of course I do!). its just right now i'm having problems which makes choosing even harder to do. Guidance from God. :)

Update 2 - Rachel in Love

i can't even believe it. me and Choy (my boyfriend) had survived for a month. noting unusual? haha not with me. all my boyfriends in the past lasted only for 3 weeks and less. my friends are even taunting me about it, they tell me i easily get bored with boys or that i don't how to pick the right one who will care for me. but see? now i found who i would want to be with. :) honestly, we are going through a lot, too. but i do hope we'll survived these all. i don't want to be too futuristic about us. i can't control life. but what i know is that right now, i want to make him happy. i want to make a difference in his life. Keith have problems. he's not with his family. but i do want him to realize that he could be happy even if

he has problems. and i want him to know that God is always with him. i don't know the reason why we met, maybe because we both can bring something new in each others life. he made me feel i can risk for love again. if being young, loving God and life and people is what he needs to learn, I'll help him learn that. i always pray for us to grow and learn from each other. so that whatever happens, we will be happy.

Update - Rachel plus friends

haha i miss everyone. even my blog friends. promised i'll read your posts. thanks witch for dropping in my drop box. :) also to nash..

Update 5 - Rachel and her inner soul

I always believe this is something I can't let go. My belief in the magic of life and the goodness of our God. hope everyone here is being touched by His love. constantly talk with Him. :)

p.s. to all of those who missed me- thanks thanks.. haha can't wait to be active again.. :)

risk taking

2009-04-07T16:39:00.001+08:00

life is all about taking risks and being in control.. :)

forest.
dark.
wild.
new.

love.
happy.
nervous.

missing.
time.
energy.

life is what you make it. life is what we do with it.

missin on a lot of things..

2009-03-31T02:50:00.002+08:00

the past weeks i have been very busy with my call center training.. i have just realized that i have been missing a lot of things.. what i miss the most is the time i spend with lots of my friends. i miss the power dinner with rhonz and khym.. :( i rarely have time to text bee and catch up with his daily activities. when i read his blog, it's as if i am an alien there.

the past days were a bit busy and i spend my whole time with TG then work, then TG then work..

(sigh)

i need to start my visualization NOW!

i envision RAChEl to have NONtaxable income (dividend income man, hahaha).. It may sound weird, but I want to be succesful in my BPO (business process outsourcing) career now and still finish my accountancy course and be a CPA. whichever path i take, i have to be like the women in corporate atttire in the picture. i will be that girl! :) i will have enough financial knowlege and working skills that would suffice for me to survive the ever changing world..

The Theatre? whoa.. who said i would give up my theatre dream? haha I would still study theatre or put up my own theatre school or perform major plays with theatre guild.. i would never, never leavemy passion for the arts (singing, acting, dancing)

of course, what would all money mean to me if I don't have a family to share it with. of course i'd like to have my better half, who would love me and our family all my life.

and of course, the never ending search for my soul with God's presence.. Perfect future.. ^.^

the power is within me..

while i am in training..

2009-03-25T04:47:00.003+08:00

trivia: i am still in class while i'm doing this post. our trainer is relating ghost stories. real ghost stories which she experienced.

some of the spirits drain you your spiritual energy so that they will regenerate.

in class, we have a classmate (kua khem) who actually can see ghosts, and our trainer and cyrene (beautiful nurse) who feel spirits.

right now, they are talking about candy, a spirit who is at the clsass right now. there is also a man with long fingers. they are really taling about spirits right now. spirits are really lurking right now in class? whoa..

some of my classmates are having headaches right now. and maybe this is a manifestation that thier sixth sense is like

i just can't think of a title

2009-03-24T07:57:00.004+08:00

my head is quite jammed right now.I have been up from like 8am in the morning yesterday, and now i'm just burning some time while waiting for the start of the seminar about good governance. (well i really hope that this seminar would be like worth all my the effort i am doing. i need a power sleep! )

this post is for some of the most recent people who have caught my attention or who have stayed in my mind for various reasons.

let me start the enumeration..

-leonilyn, Theatre Guild new member, New Board of Representative member
basically,what i noticed about her is her uniqueness. for herto be able to attend the very important meeting that we have set for all the old and new representatives, she told her mom that she was attending a swimming party at a resort near their residence. she even brought clothes with her (as props) .c'mon! that really amazed me. and i saw the future president spirit in her. i just hope she would have the fire to handle TG

--Ms. Jung, Technical Foundation Trainer
We just met her yesterday, and my impression--- smart, smart girl. she is very techy, considering that she is a Psychology graduate. and is very articulate with English, reads books and watches a lot of movies, physically strong, apppealing to guys because of her aura of wit and strength, funny and very sensible person. i can easily say i wanted to be a her.

oohh.. girl power going on..

hahaha

Gudluck for this week. and please dear reader, leave a message on my chat box.. much much thanks! ^.^

i am 'THE MANAGER'

2009-03-18T12:51:00.002+08:00

just recently, I made up a picture of the person I want to be. I wan to be the manager. not 'a' but THE. and it's not only a manager of a particular line of business or company, but the manager of myself. this wouls be my career, forever.

wish I have more time for blogging..
miss the blog world..
GODbewithus

iPod versus Zune

2009-03-18T11:16:00.006+08:00

this article is something i found out from the internet. in an effort to move my heart closer to zune, i posted this on my blog. enjoY! :)

It's time to settle the debate. iPod or Zune? Did Microsoft kick the pod where it counts or is the mighty whitey still the king of the ring? Each player is loaded with features, flashy video capabilities and music storage galore. What one should you take home? Well, I can't tell you exactly which one you should rush out and buy. But maybe I can help to point buyers in the right direction.I've fiddled with each of these players for well over a month each and have developed likes and dislikes, fondness and disgust (see our Zune and iPod reviews for complete coverage). Each player tackles the needs of consumers in a different way. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.Enough talk. Let's just get right into it. Here is my short list of what I consider to be the most important features of any portable media player. Which player fulfills these criteria and which stinks up the joint? Let us begin.

The Face-Off

Design

The iPod is an icon that set the pace for the product race. The Zune is a late comer to the party, slightly drunk and making boastful promises. While I actually like the Zune's brown and green color scheme, that iPod white is hard to beat and it looks just as good in black. Aesthetically the iPod is relatively simple yet timeless. Straight lines and rounded edges capped in glossy plastic with a chromed arse.Advantage: iPodSize & WeightThere is hardly a battle to be fought in this arena. The Zune is a heavyweight struggling to keep up with the tap dancing iPod. Despite weighing only 0.8 ounces more than the iPod, the chubby Zune is noticeably heavier and bulkier than the iPod!a drawback that is enhanced when resting in a shirt or pants pocket.

Advantage: iPod

Features

Both players do music and video well. But, in an effort to stick it to Apple, Microsoft packed an FM radio and wi-fi chip into their Zune. The Zune menu screens and album art are much more pleasing to the eye and the Zune offers customizable wallpaper. The iPod has a clock, games, contact list, calendar, notepad and stopwatch. An impressive list of extras but nearly all are available on cell phones and aren't terribly relevant to portable music or video. Sharing songs between two Zunes may be an exercise in Digital Right Management nonsense, but it's a heck of a lot more useful on a media player than a stopwatch feature.Advantage: ZuneSoftwareThe Zune software has been agonizingly slow and annoying on my laptop. iTunes has proven easier to update, sync and navigate. The iTunes podcast subscription support is still the easiest way to get your podcast fix. And strangely iTunes didn't seem to freeze up as much as the Zune software. This issue is made even more peculiar as I'm running Microsoft's own Windows XP operating system.Advantage: iPodUser InterfaceApple is awful proud of their touch sensitive scrolling wheel. I'd hold off on showing those baby pictures just yet, Steve. The Zune's D-pad may be reminiscent of an 80s model Nintendo controller; but it is quicker and easier to navigate menus and long lists of music with the clicking D-pad button than rubbing your thumb raw on the circular touch pad. After more than a month I still over-shoot menus while using the iPod.

Advantage: Zune

Content

More music, movies, and TV shows are available on iTunes. The Zune Marketplace offers less variety and more absurdity with the asinine Microsoft Points system.Advantage: iPod (although I still think 99Â¢/song is a rip-off)VideoEach player has a bright, crisp screen. The iPod's 2.5" screen offers the same 320x240 resolution as the 3" Zune screen. As such, videos played on the iPod are just a touch sharper. But the discrepancy is minor and not enough to make me choose the iPod's smaller screen for my viewing (dis)pleasure. Bigger is better.Advantage: ZuneMusicBoth players come with top-notch earbuds and pump out great sounding tunes. I could tell no significant difference in the clarity or quality from one player to the other.Advantage: TieOverall UsabilityThe sleek, thin shape of the iPod feels natural and lightweight in my hand. The brick-like nature of the Zune is less pleasing to hold despite the nifty textured surface. Having to go from portrait to landscape mode to view pictures and videos with the Zune is somewhat counter intuitive, especially when the menu and play/pause buttons get moved around to less ergonomic positions in the process.The Zune is heavier, bulkier and doesn't fit as nicely into a pocket as the iPod. And despite my dislike for the scroll wheel, the iPod gets away with using two less buttons than the Zune, making for a cleaner input surface and better usability when switching from music to video.

Advantage: iPod

Conclusion

By my count the final tally is 4 to 3 in favor of the iPod, with one tie. Not too shabby considering this is the first generation of Microsoft's Zune and the 5th of Apple's iPod. But, in the end, the king of the hill remains un-toppled.So what player would I take home? Well, neither to be honest. Both players rely on bloated loading software making it difficult to transport your music from computer to computer. Add in horrible Zune Marketplace points and over priced iTunes and I'll aim for an iRiver or Cowon product long before giving more money to Apple or Microsoft.But if I had to suggest a player to a new user or someone who is on the fence about choosing a Zune or iPod, I would probably recommend the old standby. I may never own one, but I'd have to agree with the market and declare the iPod champion! for now.

my conclusion? ipod is more popular NOW. Let's see what happens next. hahaha

What is your choice? :)

surviving-- march week 2

2009-03-17T13:01:00.003+08:00

i miss blogging soo much.. it has been a very busy week but i know things are all working out fine. i'm nervous, haha.. it would be the grammar exam later. i really pray that everyone would pass the exam. :)

just so i won't forget, i will share stories of our road trips everynight at a later date. and how much i love my call center team, wave 13 ..

this would also be the last week for TG officers this batch.. Goodluck to all the things i have to do..

I know God is always within me..

Surviving March's week 1

2009-03-06T19:22:00.004+08:00

I'm happy. this is how i would want to start my post for today. 4 days of call center training, going to school every after training to attend class, then practice for our ballroom competition next week, then preparations for the battery of training for our organization tomorrow until sunday.. hectic week? you are totallly right. i really am tired ( and i kook like one) although i'm soOo happy. this is my escape mechanism. being busy with my life makes me feel i'm okay. but i will turn this escape mechanism as the first step towards my success and my stronger personality.

realizations? that, i would never fail to acquire. everyday is a learning, right?Ü that God is very good. when you really want something, He will give that. (well of course if that is really the best thing for you) He is good, really good, I can attest to that. haha ^.^

even if a lot of people are against what i'm doing, i just don't want to believe them. Of course I can do this, I have done it for a week, sure there would be problems, but I know I'm better than those.

there is this quote that I keep on telling myself the whole week.. You don't have to see the whole road. Just take the first step with faith.

Well, it gets really hard at times, but all I have to do is to keep myself in a positive buning attitude. and all that follows are goodness.. haha.. soo happy!

I really am tired at the moment. but before i end this post, i want to include important things that happend during my week.. (random order, haha)

-i ate dinner with rhonz and bee, two of the most important people in my life
-i belong to the trainees for a certain call center technical team. I love our class soOo much. our class is really good, my batchmates are very good with english and their sOoo fun to be with. I'm attached to them easily. we are an all-star class. haha (lots of handsome men, too hahahaha)
-I have a co-trainee who ate lunch alone (mon). i left the table of my friends and joined him. haha i don't know why.. "i will be Antoine's substitute for today' hahaha
-vacation is getting near wee
-i am starting to be positive always.. yey!

that's all I think? haha im outta here..

miss someone..

February Ends -- My Superheroes

2009-02-28T23:40:00.006+08:00

Every end of the month, i will be posting highlights.. For this February, I will be giving thanks to the HEROES of my month.. (I have many everyday heroes, but for this post I will be concentrating on special ones, who gave me new inspirations this month. :) )

the POSITIVE GIRLS

Power: giving inspiration and happy spirit
Mission: to spread positivism (oh yeah!)

Message: eeeh, because of the secret, our group was formed. These gurls are my constant smile-makers.. ^.^ Go positive girls! our foe, i mean next target (haha) kua roy! bwahaha

Super Pedro

Power: Saving and Comfort

Message: haha.. I know you won't read this. Anyway, I'm so happy we became close. You are really a good friend, I hope you and Yel will be okay again.. If you need someone to listen to your problems, I'd be here for you..

Kua Benjj

Power: Conservatism (hahaha)

Message: Kua, power hug! haha Thanks for treating me as your sister.. May Papa always bless our friendship..

Prince Bee

Power: My Everyminute Hero

Message: Je t'aime always.. whatever we go through, we will always be us.. ^.^

GodBless my Heroes and Sheroes.. Til my next month-ender special entry.. :)

Just another post

2009-02-28T21:41:00.006+08:00

Philippians 4:6-7
Be careful about nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses every understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts by Christ Jesus.

I heard this passage from miss connie reyes of 700 club asia one night. It is very inspiring. Truly, there are a lot of things that is beyond our understanding, yet God never wants us to understand everything. We just need to cling unto him with full trust, and everything will be okay..

I have prayed to God for power, for me to make major changes in my life. I asked that may He give me the first three months of the year so I could turn over my life and be on track again. I have gained a lot of learnings. And truly, God gave me the power to make my life beautiful. We always have a choice.

There is this one line from the movie "The Number 23" starring Jim Carrey.
There is no such thing as destiny, there are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones. Those that define us as people.

Truly, we are the choices that we continously make.

The movie is so amazing. It is a psychological thriller movie, about a man who will be haunted by the paranoia about the number 23, and discovers a dreadful connection of the paranoia to his own life. I even started looking for the 23 signs of my life (but I think it was just a fictional thingy), there was even a bible passage at the end of the movie, be sure your sin will find you out.(numbers 32:23).. Watch the movie, it's very intriguing and mind-boggling, it was superb.. :)

Song, in my head

2009-02-22T12:03:00.002+08:00

there is this song.. that plays continously inside my head right now.. and it's starting to invade my system and block my veins..

I will break into your thoughtsWith what's written on my heartI will break, breakI'm so sick, infected withWhere I liveLet me live without thisEmpty bliss, selfishnessI'm so sickI'm so sickIf you want more of thisWe can push out, sell out, die outSo you'll shut up and stay sleepingWith my screaming in your itching earsI'm so sick, infected withWhere I liveLet me live without thisEmpty bliss, selfishnessI'm so sickI'm so sickHear it, I'm screaming itYou're heeding to it nowHear it, I'm screaming itYou tremble at this soundYou sink into my clothesThis invasion makes me feelWorthless, hopeless, sickI'm so sick, infected withWhere I liveLet me live without thisEmpty bliss, selfishnessI'm so, I'm so sickI'm so sick, infected withWhere I liveLet me live without thisEmpty bliss, selfishness

oOohh.. God please don't let me be insane again.. Let my loving heart overpower the poisons of emptiness.. i just want to be happy..

Please help me be happy..

right now, i just don't know how to be..

i am in a state of numbness..

hidden bruises..

2009-02-22T10:35:00.003+08:00

My thoughts are flying,

My dreams are soaring high above me,

I kept my hands, warm and reaching towards them.

Did I just lost by an inch?

My heart was beating, when would it live again?

Even I can't heal, its bleeding.

I just can't smile.

I just can't stop dying.

HAU teacher -- charged with rape..

2009-02-20T15:51:00.002+08:00

this post is dedicated to the HAU student who filed a case against a teacher of the same school.. i just read her story, awful and pityful.. i do hope that by praying, and posting the link to my site, i will help to let other women know that to fight abuse is something to be proud of.. Let us all hope no more of these cases will happen anymore..

Rose's Story

pushed to be independent..

2009-02-20T14:14:00.004+08:00

i had just finished my final interview for sutherland, and i passed..

well i have two things to work on: my 'scwa" sound and more knowledge on technical things. i would be part of a technical support team.

i just had a lot of realizations..

1st- that all things happen for a reason. trust God for letting such dreadful things happen to you. just months ago, i was so much of a complaining-maniac when i did my scholarship duty at our school. it was a scholarship, but then my rebellious opinions and liberty hunger was all over me then.. summary-- "scholars aren't suppose to do those kind of duties". i was always crying back then, but now i am more equipped to doing hard, physical work. (really? haha.. i can carry our television, of course i could do physical-challenging tasks.. haha! ) i also learned from this duty that sometimes i have to be alone, and be okay with that. eat alone, hang-out by myself. well, now i enjoy that.. (when i was in hs, i won't eat, even if i'm dead hungry when i'm all alone)

2nd-that you always have a choice, and to be happy. when i was commuting to clark today and employees from iqor 1, the jeepney dropped them to iqor's place. i know that iqor is near sutherland, so i went off the jeepney with them.. (oo0ps.. problems with my language, sorry)

then.. wAaa! i wan't even near nco. so i walked my way towards the company that i need to go to, the sole person in the streets, walking, the sun so high.. ( at least, i have my umbrella with me, whew.. ) .. all the while that i was walking, i was saying to myself, "silly you, doing exercise on high noon. at least, i'm doing something for my health, smile". haha.. as i reached the company, i perfecty registered the building in front of it (DigiteL ) so i won't be doing the same trip again.. (lots of mistakes in the world, try others, right),.. hahaha.. i'm alive and happy..

before i end this post, i would like to share this -- never let all things change. ^.^ i just had a text conversation with a friend who would be the future faith adviser of my kids.. haha ( hey, i don't even have my boyfriend right now, it's so nice to have fUuuuture plans.. haha.. )

Godbless everyone..

I'm so excited to live my life.. live everyday.. ^.^

yey!

2009-02-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

ok na ulit.. ^.^
reborn..

hear my plea..

2009-02-18T20:52:00.007+08:00

this is a letter, open for everyone to see, yet dedicated to someone very special for me..

to vitamins. . .
my day turned out normal, even if i haven't had any communication with you..
but, i have never been so empty inside.. (i'm starting to cry sa cafe.. :( )
yung about sa last post ko (another falling star) gusto ko magexplain, kahit ayaw mokong magexplain..

kung iniisip mo na ang linyang to "for now, i will be pushing my heart to live without that star.." means na ilalayo ko na sarili ko sayo, mali un.. (deep sigh)

my falling star, ikaw yung tinutukoy non.. pero, hindi buong ikaw, kundi yung ikaw na inisip kong pwede kong maging boyfriend.. gets mu ba? (para na kong tanga dito oh, totoo man umiiyak ako sa cafe.. )

that line means iniiwan ko na yung 'thought' na un, and un yung falling star ko. but that doesn't mean i don't want you in my life. i would never want you na mawala ka sa buhay ko. alam mo naman gano ka kaimportante sakin. diba you are my co-warrior? my brother? bakit ka naman lumalayo.. nasasaktan ako ng sobra..

i miss you soo much.. you are one of the best things that happened to me.. sana marenew na friendship natin..

je t' aime soo much..

:(

another falling star..

2009-02-17T19:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes in life, even if you are constantly in happiness, some things might just go wrong..
me? one of my stars just fell, and it really made me so sad.. I'm still in the process of accepting that i just lost that star. but i know in time, i will understand the reason why he has to leave me.

for now, i will be pushing my heart to live without that star..

( sad truths.. )

**silence**

visualizations. imaginations.

2009-02-17T18:01:00.002+08:00

because of the secret's influence, i together with the positive gurls, made it a point to become positive in everything that we do, say, think and feel. that's a hard work at first, but i am enjoying the process. ^.^

here i am, ready to share one of my visualizations. hep! before that, let me tell first the process. visualize clearly, until it goes to your unconscious and become a part of yourself and you start to find ways of achieving that. also, you need to accompany it with prayer and faith. (read the book that is shown on the side of this post. :) )

here is what my visualization is all about. my future boyfriend. haha ^.^

charan!

while i am in bed, i pictured the kind of person that i want to be my man.. (some lines would be in filipino, para mas malambing, haha)

my man has beautiful and expressive eyes.

tapos maganda yung ilong nya, tsaka malambot yung pisngi. dapat hindi sya maarte, kasi lagi kung paglalaruan mukha nya, tska hahawakan ko lagi mga pisngi nya. papanuorin ko din sya minsan pag natutulog sya, haha..

yung lips nya, well i want those lips that would fit mine. every kiss is magical and meaningful, so dapat pati sa kanya sacred ang kissing.. hihi ayoko nung may hikaw, pero if ever man na gusto talaga nya, wag lang nyakong tatalunin.. hahaha yung boyfriend ko, sya yung tipong kaya makipagtitigan sakin, for eternity. haha exagge. wat i mean is, yung hindi kami magsasawang magkasama, minsan kasi there are these moments kasi na you would want to share moments by just looking at each other. syempre, dapat intelehente din syang kausap. ang dali ko maturn off sa mga guys na walang matinong masabi, eh or mga taong di ka magawang kausapin ng matino sa personal.. (nu kaya yon?haha) hmm.. hindi ako naghahanap ng taong laging magiging magkaayon yuna pananaw namin, ang boring siguro. sometimes, when you fight with each other (i mean not literally banging each other on the wall, ah) or palitan kayo ng views, ang sarap lang. gusto lo kasi yung partner ko independent din mentally, eh.. love is not always giving way sa isa, yung tipong ayaw mu talaga, pero magbibigay ka. its understanding, growing together and looking forward towards a future in the same direction. ^.^ kumbaga, kung pangarap ng isang tao na magpakadalubhasa, maglibot sa mundo ng mag-isa, at magpakasaya, wag na kayong magsama.

importante kasi is that you both enjoy consciously and unconsciously yung company ng isa't isa. kung hidi mo pa masyadong kilala ang mahal mo, well you have the whole lifetime to make up diba?Ü

maganda din qung magiging okay kami syempre sa family ng isa't isa.. ^.^ kung we both have an open mind, a listening heart and deep faith kay God at sa isa't isa, nothing could go wrong.

yung kamay namin, ung tama lang para sa isa't isa. haha.. sana di sya magsawa, kasi hilig kong halikan yung kamay ng taong mahal ko.. haha syempre dapat mahal din nya mga mahal ko, at nageenjoy din sya kay bebem (pusa ko).. hmm, masarap ang mga animal lovers kasama, malambing sila at mapagmahal in nature. kahit konti dapat kumakanta sya, haha.. kasi pipilitin ko syang magvideole with me, hahaha.. masaya kasi pas same interests kayo ng mahal mo, ayoko kasi nung tipong 'sige, susuportahan kita jan'. parang napipilitan silang iwatch performance mo. and for those who think that performing is corny? well corny din kayo! haha.. performing is one of the best feelings in life, guaranteed yan.. :)

kung may mga hilig sya at ako na bago sa isa't isa, it would be fun to learn things together. yihee.. syempre, i would like to enjoy his company not only in recreational things but also in faith. mahalaga sakin na believer ang mahal ko. so that for the sest of our lives na we will be spending together, magigimg blest at guided kami. may namissed pa ba ako? haha.. well, hindi naman to qualifications, eh.. just my vusualized man. and i know, i will meet him, soon.. ^.^

sa lahat, bee happy sa inyong mga love life!Ü

i love you mahal ko. see you soon. (wahaha) ^.^

jammed thoughts

2009-02-17T17:36:00.003+08:00

right now, i can think of so many things that i want and need to do, and i'm starting to feel uneasy. well, it's pressure that i want right? haha.. not really.. i just want a clear direction..

i just went to systems plus computer foundation. i had a feeling this morning while i am praying (my instinct told me) to go and get an accountancy curriculum of the school. i just did that, and i also inquired about transferring and 5th year accountancy stuffs. i now have the school's curriculum and even the school handbook. i also went around the school for a few minutes, just to get a look at its environment. it's quiet there (but that is maybe i did not see a lot of students. holy angel university looks way better that it, yet that fact doesn't matter much to me. why would it be? ( well, unless the place's full of gross creatures and things) what matters to me are the people whom i am going to be with during my study at the school. if you are wondering why in the world am i planning to transfer? guess what? i may be having the urge of continuing my CPA dream. if i will transfer, i am going to take (again? whew, haha) all my accounting and law subjects with grades 2.25 and below. WaAaa.. i haven't given my grades much attention since the first time i failed to belong to the dean's list. and those are 11 subjects.. (oh, c'mon! i'm taking all of those again?) plus i think i need to take those two foreign language courses, and a humanities subject. is that a lot? a big YES. but if i really decide to pursue the accounting board exams path, i really need to transfer ASAP. here are some of the reasons:

-i am disqualified for accountancy in HAU (so, i really need to pick up a new school, or try to graduate, or start the call-center life or loaf forever. well. the first option is the best so far)

-if i am transferring to systems plus and retake accounting and law courses, i better take the next majors at that school. i can't expect myself to fininsh the rest of my fourth year majors at HAU and expect 2 from the monster accounting teachers. that would really be a miracle. (i mean, it's not an underestimate of my abilities, it's just a prophecy from years of evaluated holy angel accountancy experience.)

-i'm wasting money which doesn't come from my own perspiration because of failing my subjects

-i'm finding it hard to picture myself in a class with the lower years studes

well, i must weigh all my options, pray sincerely for guidance on my judgment, and ACT.

Godbless me.. hahaha

no valentine?

2009-02-14T05:27:00.000+08:00

cheer up! valentines day is not only for lovers.
enjoy the day.. much love!

the positive gurls

2009-02-14T04:36:00.000+08:00

wee.. because of the secret and its law of attraction, me, Khym and Rhonz became the positive gurls. and we would continue our journey to living life the positive way. always..

Carpe diem.. everyday.. ^.^

friday the 'thirteenth'

2009-02-14T04:10:00.000+08:00

everyone's getting a fuss about this date. me? haha never! because 13 is one of my best, and most favorite day. . :) and today, these are some of the few reasons why this friday the thirteenth is so special to me.

--reybee royal day
--awards night, organization of the year award

(just a trivia., while i'm typing this, two devilish boys are playing with my hair.. darn! hahaha.. love and peace.. muah)

anyway, going back.. this day was the second celebration of royal reybee day. did i say celebration? haha.. we did not do that.. sad.. :( schedules don't meet.. (look at the brighter side, i am excited to have a chance to finally, really celebrate it. haha )

tararan.. the Angelite of the Year III awards night.
this was a night anticipated by many, ignored by many, too. me? i have looked forward to it. i even geve best efforts to motivate our founder to attend the said awarding. some of our members do not want to be in the awarding, feeling discouraged that we might not get the award. but what is the essence of that award, compared to how it feels to be with the members, who with the same dream seats together, anticipating with fear, yet having one of the best time of their lives. i repeatedly tell them, 'the difference is just the shape of the plaque. (the non winning organizations and contenders have trophys, too. round ones. the winners,the angel. ) bueventhough without that trophy, we are the organization of the year, very year.' yes that's true. we are the oraganization of the year, for me, for us. :)

"ang elegant ng dating mu ngayon. hindi ka na mukhang bata"
-- a line from the president of the psychology society president, my crush..
(intelligent and gentle.. haha )

i was supposed to be watching the slapshock concert at sm clark this night. (ganda, my son in our org, invited me, rock date bonding). the awards night finished late. we did not watch the concert anymore.

all in all, im happy. this day, is one of the unforgetable days of my life.

seizing the day.. :)

2009-02-11T12:14:00.000+08:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
--Mark Twain

this is the wisdom of the day, february 10, 2009.. and I am living it TODAY.. haha :) Carpe Diem!

my day did not really started that good. but who knows that with a positive attitude, everything will be coming up roses.. yipee ^.^ (big, big thanks to the BIG father up there!)

Congratulations Rachel, you passed for training at Sutherland.. haha agent on the go. its not really that i want 'customer support representative' as my title for my whole life. of course not. i am someone who continously wants MORE. it's a training ground, to see where will i fit in this world, or if i will miss school (i am in my fourth year now, but i flunked most of my majors.. long story really, depressing, yet i have to move on...). well, i really want this start-of-work thing to be a step towards new learnings and making money work for me (so that i could spend more time doing great stuff). i was interested in joining the pharmanex company, but i have reseached fairly about networking businesses, and i think i'll have to think a hundred times doing that kind of business. i'm not closing doors, but i am as well trying (with not a lot of good working experience yet) to filter the information and lessons i need so i will have a fruitful life.. :)

"when you know your dreams, the world will conspire to fulfill it."

just a sneak at what i did at suther..

registration
essay writing
initial interview
written test
language interview

training will start on march, so right now, i just have to concentrate on my subjects (i really need to talk to my pdpr professor) and Theatre Guild.

i had a lot of clutter and unorganized thoughts in my mind right now.. but i want to write the following for me to be reminded..

keep the prayer habit
acknowledge your love ones always
smile
take care of Jogs ( jogs is a member of our theatre organization. she's my bet for heiress to the president's throne. hahaha i am taking care of her, making sure she's going to be a strong, guided and inspired girl.. :) )

whew.. it's valentines,, i don't have a date.. any suggestions? hahaha

p.s.

i cried my heart out last night. i realized i love my brother soo much.. ohana hahaha

GOODLUCK to our dreams.. :) To Him be the glory

Making my Reality

2009-02-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

Imagination is everything..

-- Albert Einstein

I have just watched and is being inspired by the movie THE SECRET. I have heard of it, ages ago, Oprah show, books in the National Bookstore, a dvd from a business individual, yet i did not paid any attention to it. Until now.

hmm.. I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now, an experience shared by all. (I mean, everyone goes through bad things at one point in their life, right?). I am caught in a situation which is so hard to deal with, and im imprisoned with lots of negative emotions about it. school, stop school? do this, don't do this?

As I watched the movie, I was filled with new inspiration and new strength. I analyzed the things around me, and realized I might be doing some things the wrong way, which makes me so unhappy. For almost months now, the dominant thought that runs in my mind is that i have been failing. failed to pass all my subjects, failed to be a good organization president, failed to be a desired daughter and the failures go on and on. and even if I try to get my self back on track now, i still fail, the same things happening over and over. people around me told me I've changed, and I am not the person they knew I were. But is it really about being who I am, or is it my actions and thoughts?

The movie tells us that we are all made up of energy and vibrations. not only the humans, but also every non living thing in our universe. we attract the vibrations that are the same with the vibrations that we have. that is why the Secret tells us that everything lies with the LAW OF ATTRACTION. the movie goes on with different people, visionaries, authors, philosophers, businessmen who talk about this secret, the power that lies among all of us. here is one of the quotes from the movie

' what you think, and what you feel and what actually manifests is always a match, NO EXCEPTION. '

I say YES to that. well, i have been thinking of moving on, of strength and inspiration, and see, i finally got the urge to watch the movie. well it is my decision of course. what i'm trying to tell is that, if you focus your thoughts about what you really want, and you are passionate about it, then the universe conspires to help you achieve that. you do the thinking, then the universe will tell you how, if you are going to feel what the universe is telling you. (whoa, this is just like THE ALCHEMIST. I think the book and this movie is patterned with the same belief. )

well, I love this idea. and I want this idea to be my reality. we all have the freedom to choose our ideals right? power to make our reality. just choose whatever makes you happy :) (oh! if ever cruel things like wanting murder makes you happy, think again. there are two basic emotions, good and bad. and guilt is at the bad side. goodluck.. hahaha)

---

uhm, before i posted this entry, i made researches about the secret, the movie. there are lots of compliments about it and of course, oppossitions to it. some say the idea is against Christian belief, that it recognizes no God, and it makes people think that they are the creators of their life. whew.. some even say it's an evil deception. I'd say no to that. the movie tells us of a Higher power, it just respects the belief of everyone,that not everyone believes in a god. so the movie is not specific with it, nothing wrong with that. religion and christianity is not meant for people to close their minds. i think that these two, together with psychology and philosopy should come hand in hand, in making people's lives better, sharing good and love with one another.

Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see... We also know that what can be seen was made out of what cannot be seen. (Hebrews 11)

who makes our destiny? who makes our calling? It is ourselves. whatever we choose to do, if we focus and dedicate our life to that, then it would be our destiny, our own calling. we have the power to choose and to act. the laws of God, love, and attraction govern us. but you do the deciding, and everything starts with you.

so, start the visualization now. know exactly what you want. and let the world help you do it. have faith.

i'm hoping that i've inspired someone with this entry.. GODBLESS our endeavors. :)

(sigh)

2009-02-05T11:16:00.000+08:00

i did not woke up in time.. no pdpr exam., :(

meeting the FUTURE rachel

2009-02-03T16:58:00.000+08:00

this blog post is a reaction to kua james's time traveller post.

i was also amazed with that video. while i was watching it, i for myself wanted to meet my future rachel. i want to talk with her, so that we could plan our life together, well, maybe with past rachel too might be better. haha.. :) but life is just not like that. because if it is, we would have a predictable life, and for me, it's like having a contest with God.

what if I met future rachel? haha.. i hope she's beautiful and young-looking too.. hahaha and i hope all my values and philosophies are still intact.. :)

Be Rich..

2009-02-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

Love has many faces. In HS, we have studied these. hmm.. And because it is the month of love, i would want to concentrate about how this magical word builds up our world., haha :) There are for kinds of love. The Storge (pronounced as stor-gay), Eros, Phileo and Agape.

Storge refers to familial love. It is evident, for example, in the warm affection that parents have toward their children.

Eros is the desire to draw out all that is good, beautiful and true. It is motivated by need. It's often understood to refer primarily to sex, but that's really only one part of it - albeit a significant part. Eros involves the emotional need to elicit physical love and affection ("beautiful expression" in general) from the one you love. In most contexts, this involves a romantic kind of love.

Philia is Friendship Love. It is not sexual in nature, though (in the right circumstance) it can lead to or complement Eros.

Agape love is the selfless love for others. In Exodus 32, Moses confronts God and asks forgiveness for the people of Israel. God refuses, at first, to forgive them, but allows that no penalty or sin is on Moses' head. Moses isn't satisfied, and casts his fate with those of the people. If God won't forgive the people of Israel, then Moses wants to be punished along with them. THAT is Agape love. It is, in fact, a picture of what Jesus did on the cross for our sins. Selfless, sacrificial love - in which nothing is asked in return. This is the kind of love that everyone should pursue.

---

in my own understanding, Storge is human love. Like, i love apples. I love music.

In my own life, i've noticed that winning usually follows losing. before i finally learned to ride a bike, i first fell down many times. i've never met a golfer who has never lost a golf ball. i've never met people who have fallen in love who have never had their heart broken. and i've never met someone rich who has never lost money. --robert kiyosaki, rich dad, poor dad
i love robert. i love his book and i am loving his thoughts. (storge, haha) to all those people who are inspiring to get rich the right way, i SUPER recommend this book.. super, :) other people may think that this book is only for money-thinking people, but it's not. it's for futuristic ones.. haha why do i want to be rich? haha.. that is because i don't want to work all my life. i don't want to spend my time doing hard office stuff when i could be spending time with my love ones. i don't want to grow old, not having the time of my life.. and those are my strong, personal reasons. haha it is worth a try.. school teaches us to be employees, and this book will make us realize to let ourselves be our own inspiration, not to work to earn money but to work for learning. the belief that your life will prosper if you just finish your education and fine a secure job is not applicable always. build a strong financial intelligenc and use your creativity to make money work for you. read it, now.

Love, Actually..

2009-02-02T05:30:00.000+08:00

before I say anything in this post, I would like to share this video..

this clip is from the movie, Love Actually,one of the greatest love movies of all time. It is a movie of love, shown in various set-ups of life. this particular scene made me cry a lot. haha.. the lady is already married, and her husband is the bestfriend of the man who revealed his feelings to the lady through the placards. so sad.. a matter of self preservation and pure love..

What is Love? haha.. i got this definitions from askoxford.com

love

• noun 1 an intense feeling of deep affection. 2 a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. 3 a great interest and pleasure in something. 4 a person or thing that one loves. 5 (in tennis, squash, etc.) a score of zero. apparently from the phrase play for love (i.e. the love of the game, not for money

Easy to understand, right? yet a lot of people (and that includes me) find complications in this emotion, this very broad and very unspecific feeling. (well, that is how i describe it. it's really hard to define those mushy things you feel in your chest. haha. And love is something innate to every being, even animals show and feel love..

whew.. let me share another video.. a commercial from mcdonald's philippines. FIRST LOVE

whew.. actually, i did cry seeing this commercial for the first time. it kind of hit me somewhere, in the middle of my heart.. haha.. anyway,why am I showing all this?well, it is the start of the so-called love month, and I would like to make it something new. it is the first post where in I embedded videos. I just want to remind not only myself but also everyone who will read this post, that we should never forget to appreciate people who are important to us. neglect hurts so much, and just as my brother usually tells me, Life is too short. so, i advise everyone to do something EXTRAspecial for your valued people this month. (love must be shown, alwyas, ok? haha.. just a little extra for this month.. :) ) uhmm.. also, add to your list those people who have been an essential part of your life, especially if you have been ignoring them.. Thank you is really a great gift.

just a sharing. my first love (haha.. a member of one thirty) and I had a friendly date last january 30 at coffee academy. i enjoyed our time together so much.. we talked about a lot of things.. (third party stories..wahaha bad,bad memories) I was really touched when he kept the receipt of our bill in his wallet. haha., it's so good to feel that after all the years, people remain to be good friends, inspite whatever pain they've gone through the years. time really heals everything. you are the one solely responsible in deciding whether you are going to move on, or you want to rot on devastated emotions.. haha i've gone through a lot, and i'm still learning everytime i need to move on..

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.

--this is LOVE DEFINED AT ITS BEST. reflect! ♥

love..love..love.. whew., happy february! :)

the beauty of debate

2009-01-27T21:11:00.000+08:00

yah.. the fact that you have a more complicated proposition and have done a much better job in affirming your proposed change.. Even Rey was shocked na di kayo ang third placer.

--these words are from the founder of our organization, the Best Interpolator of the '09 Grand Debate of our university (that's Kua Roy..wee :) ) I was so happy. Imagine, this is the first time that I joined a debate outside our college de[partment (i partcipated in hs debates but we battled with other sections). The experience was really fulfilling and even addicting.. haha I wanted to share the learnings of my day.

-----

The affirmative team
It is the team's job to lay out the parameters of the debate. The team promotes change (according to the proposition) and the burden of proof is theirs.

The Negative Team
Their job is to defend the status quo.

-----

During the Elimination Round (I am a member of the College of Business and Acoountancy team) we won over the College of Information and Technology with the proposition Resolved that the Reproductive Health Bill be passed. I was the third speaker, rebuttalist.

Here is my rebbutal speech..

The power to choose comes from complete information. And giving complete information comes with a system. therefore the Reproductive Health Bill should be passed.

Is the bill unconstitutional?
No. The Philippines is a democratic and republican state, the people having a freedom of choice. and how do we accomplish our full freedom when we are ignorant of some of the most essential information with regards to our health and the responsibilities that comes with it? With a system of health and sex education and all the trainings and services that come with it.

Is the bill immoral?
No. What is immoral in the betterment of our education? What is immoral in being sexually educated. What is wrong in being ready, and being wise and responsible while we are young, which would prepare us to be better parents of our society?

Is the bill necessary?
Definitely. With this and the compete support of the other sectors of our country, what could be wrong?

Should the RH Bill pe passed? You heard us.

---

Our team made a lot of research for this topic. What is good is that all the three of us personally agrees with the bill. Most people are just not well informed of the bill. They thought that the bill was only about contraceptives. haha.. it's not.. I found this article which is really helpful,

CATHOLICS CAN SUPPORT THE RH BILL IN GOOD CONSCIENCE
(Position paper on the Reproductive Health Bill
by individual faculty* of the Ateneo de Manila University)

Reading the full bill is also important.

to those who have questions, or those who would like to ask what are the oppossing contentions for this topic, just tell me. leave me a message at my chatbox, and don't forget to leave a link. :)

P.S.
I have a crush on the best debater.. haha., very witty..

oops.. before i forgot., my vitamins (i am pertaining to a person haha) gave me chocolates before the debate. haha my bunsoy also visited me, after my speech.. so happy ^.^

realizations and being happy

2009-01-22T01:29:00.000+08:00

Proverbs 16:9

A man’s heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.

– this is the passage shared to me by my new 18-year old royal sister ( who had her birhday yesterday jan 21 ) , princess faye. it is for me to be consoled with the pain of my mistakes and for me to be guided with my next decisions. thanks princess! ^.^

I miss this word, rejuvination. haha. it means reversal of aging, being young. i miss those days of being a kid, being carefree and innocent of the problems of the world. it is the time when you build endless dreams and talk of every impossibility as a simple task.the magic of childhood, whew.

well, eventhough i am experiencing problems, i always tell myself that papa G loves me soOo, sooOO much.. He trusts in me, knowing that I could always fight off all these battles and stand like Queen Elizabeth.. (haha. eew, not Pacquiao’s daughter, the virgin queen’s what i’m talking about.) i just do hope i am getting near His expectations of me. hmm. my friends ARE always at my back to support me, even though they are growing very furious with my recent academic decisions. hahaha

alam mo i’ll tell you something. you are very lucky and someone to be envied. alam mo bakit? kasi of all people, you have the most opportunity to grow and to be stronger.

–these are words from my kua, kua james. we met years ago in theatre, and he knows a lot of my struggles and emotionalities in life.. (is there such a word as ‘emotionalities’? haha.. ) he once told me that no one could advise me, because whatever people around tell me, i’ll stll stick to my decision. hahaha the smart brother knows when his lil sis is stubborn.. whaha..

i feel very light tonight. princess faye is one of the reasons. i have another girl sibling who loves rock,too. yeah!:)

another, because im again starting to realize that there is something special in me. i mean, my heart was really down because of the failures i had in school. but i’m beginning to realize that there might be still some light, right? there is still a lot out there. i must not give up! smile, smile.

whew.. after this blog entry, i look forward to achieving something better, always. i do hope i can.

God knows best.

And this girl here prays to be guided towards that best.

GODbless the United States. (haha, Obama) and GODBLESS the whole world. ciao!

post script.

i miss my love advocacy. haha one of these days, i will start my love campaign. i think i’m motivated to possibilities and positivities of life because of love. hahaha (hapee)

Welch. Red grape juice cocktail

2009-01-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

January 18, 2009, the Haucoustic ‘09, round 1, held at Robinsons Balibago, Angeles City — these are some of the few things i need to remember, well not that i an requiring myself ( because probably i will soon forget those numbers and dates stuff). It’s just that i hopefully wanted to picture this day in my mind as one of the happiest days of my life.

*Before anything else, the picture above was not taken at the said date. That picture was one of the last memento of our band’s complete get together before Emil (boy in white,the one without a cap) went to his mission in Mormons mission in California.

(now back to the day’s story, haha)

Our new band, compsed of all TG members (Altissimo) was the first to perform. Sad to say, i was not satisfied. For me, I totally screw up my part. We were top 3 at this round, yet I know I had not done my best. It’s not because I wanted some higher recognition, I just want to achieve that self-satisfaction that I unfortunately missed. Me and Ate Butch’s part is the vocals. Ate finds it hard to make second voices, so I do all the second voices for the whole performance. We really had a very rushed practice, I was totally nervous of my parts, and at the performance I wasn’t consistent. I did not sang some of the voicing because I wa so afraid that may go off key. The result? I appeared like I was just a back-up vocalist. Holy cow! Who wants to be a back-up when you’re actually the lead, right? whew. I don’t wanna sound like someone who boasts about being so great, I just wanted to do my part well. Just that. I do hope we could put up a great fight for the final round. 70%.. whew., Lots of chances to win.,

Well that was just a side story. hahaha.. The real highlight of the day was mthe bonding I had with my old band mates. (one thirty). We had so much fun, staying at Pam’s, eating spaghetti (with all purpose cream and evap. Yum! haha), drinking the cocktail token of Daniel (he was one of the judges, and the one who gave comments on our performances, haha.. ), and lots of toasts and fruits plus a live band music from his father’s friends (future one thirty.. haha.. they specialize in voicing, too ).. That was so fun, the girls cooking, the boys jamming, then all together we had a toast to our successes.. haha We talked, eat, talked and talked. haha.. I’m so blissful. supah! this bondings are the ones that I treasure.

I hope our band will have a chance to pewrform together again. This is the only band to which I am perfectly comfortable. All the commentsfdor improvements, the compliments that are just right, not enough to fill your brain with so much air (hahaha) and so much time for laughs. haha..

Another prayer for me. For my Father, to bless our band, our friendship. ♥

before i end thid post, i have some post scripts.

Rico watched our performance. He ran a long way just to arrive at the time of our performance.. I was so nervous, then I saw him at the stage’s side, smiling. Altissimo also received an invitation to play live at GV 99.1. haha nice, nice..

I am so happy. Daniel is using another computer nearby as I was doing this post. hahaha. at dawn..

-end

thirteen :)

2009-01-13T20:38:00.001+08:00

there are just some things that keeps getting better and better. and whatever struggles i have in life, there would always be reasons to make me happy, and one of those is my dreaming partner..
honestly, i am planning to do something special for this day. but i did not pursue these plans., i just texted him that morning, and he did not even reacted to that message.. that bastard! haha ( joking., i love my bro.. hahaha )

bee’s graduating.. i hope we could maximize the remaining weeks that he’ll be staying at school..

i miss him and our bunsoy.,

i’m always praying for my special friends to be always happy.. as happy as the happiness they bring to my life.. i’m blest!

emotionally disturbed

2009-01-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

i think i know what my HS classmate went through before she became insane..

what is the meaning of “emotionally disturbed”? hmm. i think i’m going to the early stage of undeveloped insanity. i’m staring to fear facing things that are outside my comfort zone. Theatre Guild is my comfort zone, school is my danger zone.

what do i fear about going to my consta class? (and my mafin and manac class)

because i have a lot of absences.
because i did not take my prelim exams.
because i can’t face the class.
because i’m afraid i’m going to fail AGAIN due to my absences and neglect.

no one can help me now, no one. they can’t force me or even inspire me. i’m so afraid. i’m lost. still lost. after months and months of thinking over what i have done and lots of talks from people around me. i’m starting to give up one of the things i wanted the most.

my alter ego- the coward me

2009-01-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

I am currently in an abyss of hopelessness, at one part of my life — my studies. I prayed for power to turnover my life, so I could make a major change, yet I am as cold as ice, coward as mice (dead rhymes. whew)

why can’t I finally conquer this senseless fear. i’m heading straightly for the ashes. ashes of my dreams. i hate myself for this.

i’m a living dead at my classes.
(deep sigh) T.T

this december

2008-12-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

whew. I have just experienced difficulty in making my blog posts this day. i was really about to give up, but I decided to continue.

here are some of my december stories that I would like to share:

-Jm Dream-

this was the first time that he entered my dreams. i won’t go into details here, but I just want to reveal how much I miss him. he was a person who brought changes in me, inspite of the distance and without him realizing. that’s that. the end. hahaha

-my disastrous preliminaries-

we just had our prelim exams, before our christmas vacation. and I missed three of my exams.. :( we had problems in the family. it came to a point when mom and my cousin asked me if i want to quit school. (sigh) I wouldn’t want that. would I? i have work. for TG and myself, why quit now. well, honestly, before I came up with these realizations I reached the point when I wanted suicide. and this is one of the biggest mistakes I did in my life. even by just wanting it, that thing is so dreadful. imagine, the thought of doing that means that I think of myself as a waste. i am 20, do I consider all my past years a waste, just because I’m having a hard time dealing with things that I am going through right now? That’s something for me and all my readers out there to think about. don’t be such a crap. someone else is suffering more than you do, and they are trying their very best to be brave. stop all the drama and act.

-my christmas wishes-

bee asked me a question this day. what’s top3 on my christmas list. these are my answers to him.

a man that will be close to my heart, and that will care for me
more strength
and my top 1, for my mother to bee happy.
no explanations. I have a lot of wishes. But I have to keep myself from wishing how life could be sweeter and better. I have to act to have a life in a way i want it to be. I control my choices. whether it’s christmas or not, I have to be the best person I could be.

Happy Holidays to everyone! Be blesses and guided.

my "bebem"

2008-12-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

this is my family's cat.. Bebem, our baby.. he's fat and yummy.. haha

one source of happiness in our home.. :)

a missionary of the church i belong- my heart

2008-12-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

Aren’t churches suppose to be the places to where you glorify our Father?

well, i am so proud that finally i’m beginning to understand what a ‘believer’ really means. haha and i am proud to be one. hopefully all my readers out there too are believers of our Savior. If not, then it’s never too late to become one. Membership is forever ongoing.

this part of my life is one of the most difficult times.

want some updates?

i am not part of the accountancy class anymore. i got failures due to absences last semester, and i’m incurring lots of absences again
i am still the president of Theatre Guild, yet i don’t know if i’m reaching the expectations i set for my position
i am not sure what path i’m going to, now, in my life

in just a few months, i again let myself be a mess. the dream that i was holding for four years now is over. i can’t be a CPA anymore. and to make matters worse, i even lost my drive to finish the last 2 semesters of my college degree (accounting). my batchmates and friends are graduating this march.

with the theatre, well my passion for it is my nature, so it’s always there. but you see, i’m starting to feel the pain of not having the full cooperation of my team. but i still believe in them. i know they will be there to help me. i hope this year could produce more dedicated theatre guild members who would want to lead our organization to goodness and continuity.

with my mission, i’m starting to get confused. just as i read in ‘the alchemist’, you start your real dream when you’re young, yet as you grow old you lose your passion into less-you dreams because you get distracted by unreasonable reasons. what is my real mission? what path should i take? where ami going? i am not yet sure of the answers. ‘the best thing about future is that it comes one day at a time’ (words of Abraham Lincoln), and i will live my life that way, making the most out of my everyday.

one thing is for sure.

my heart is my church, my temple for Him and I know He will reveal to me what He wants me to be, as soon as i’m ready.

i’m keeping my faith and enthusiasm.

prince bee -- my dreaming brother

2008-11-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

[caption id="attachment_99" align="aligncenter" width="210" caption="my brother in enthusiasm, in the jeepney :)"][/caption]

a son of our Father, named Darby Raul Lopez Bognot..

schoolmate, co-cba, co-member in Theatre Guild, my brother in passion and dreams..:)

our friendship started when he saw the audition poster of Theatre Guild. I am the president, he WAS the aspiring new member.. now, he is officially part of our theatre family, and a part of my life..

we have a lot of differences. A LOT.. haha. :) we fight because of simple things. i used to call him a distraction (well just for 24 hours..). he was the thin, godly prince and i am the fat boyish lady. yet we are connected by our enthusiasm, by God and by our dreams..

i call him bee. he calls me ate rey. he came into my life just when i needed him.. :) he led me to a closer trust to God, more than i have for the past years of my life. he ignited my dreams of pursuing theater after school. with him i am happy with simple unending text conversations. we don't bond much with each other personally yet i feel close to him. i can never imagine not having him as a part of my life. he is one of the greatest of the blessings God gave me. knowing him is living in goodness,:)

i love bee, so much. i may rarely tell him in beautiful words how much he means to me, yet my appreciation is shown with the person i am today. he inspires me everyday unknown by him.

this post is for myself.haha., for me to be always reminded that God gives me enough reasons to love Him more everyday. love you bee.. much, much, much.. magkasama kayo ni ate impossible, hanggang sa huli..haha :)

we are born to be enthusiasts.♥

An open letter to Theatre Guild members

2008-11-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

For the past semester, TG has accomplished a lot. It made a name, as it became more known to a lot of people through exposure of certain members in school events. Even so, there had been a lot of sacrifices, a lot of mismanaged times, conflicts and misunderstandings. This semester, TG is again in for a lot of activities and a lot of plans. And all of these will require a great mind and heart to be managed well and fairly and to be best enjoyed by all the members. It is to be remembered that school, whatever happens, comes first. TG creates a great fire of desire in us yet it is also a temptation for us to fall short of our responsibilities to ourselves and families to study well. Self control is important. Balance is a habit, a continuous and everyday practice.

This semester, it is for us to grow, and be better. Everything would be a lot of work and for sure it will again be months of mixed emotions–pain and happiness. Yet we always have to put in mind that God arranged all of us to be together here with a great purpose– TO HONOR HIM THROUGH OUR TALENTS AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. This semester is another chance for us to again show the people around us that TG makes us the best persons we could be. May this semester lead our hearts to being positive and having great love. Being together and being one, whatever challenges we have to face, we will still be strong.

A message from the president, your ate, Rachel..

Perusing my Life

myself talking to myself

what I put in my mind subconsciosly affects me

they come, they go..

Queen of Eyebags

ideas.. (what I get from watching movies)

gush of abhor.. (mild)

the bleak ending

when you just can't think of anything to write about.. and the title seem to be more understandable than it's content..

when you follow the beatings of what they call "heart"..

one straight road

talking to myself

random enthusiasm. haha

THE SECRET of our life..

when you don't know how to say sorry..

when you don't know how to say sorry..

searching..

Less sleep is more life whahaha

what's inside my mind NOW?

i just lost 'it'

lost in the middle of deciding

giving up..

decide now

a star. my brightest now

play yet stay respected..

JBARK - my happiness

hungry for LIFE

talking to myself

this is all ME -- book 2

Zune 13 Family..

renewed love. :)

someone just died inside of me..

lies.hatred.martyrdom

back to the blogging world..

risk taking

missin on a lot of things..

while i am in training..

i just can't think of a title

i am 'THE MANAGER'

iPod versus Zune

surviving-- march week 2

Surviving March's week 1

February Ends -- My Superheroes

Just another post

Song, in my head

hidden bruises..

HAU teacher -- charged with rape..

pushed to be independent..

yey!

hear my plea..

another falling star..

visualizations. imaginations.

jammed thoughts

no valentine?

the positive gurls

friday the 'thirteenth'

seizing the day.. :)

Making my Reality

(sigh)

meeting the FUTURE rachel

Be Rich..

Love, Actually..

the beauty of debate

realizations and being happy

Proverbs 16:9

A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

Welch. Red grape juice cocktail

thirteen :)

emotionally disturbed

my alter ego- the coward me

this december

my "bebem"

a missionary of the church i belong- my heart

prince bee -- my dreaming brother

An open letter to Theatre Guild members

A man’s heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.